Mental fat I'm chewen

I have mentioned before that I grew up in an abusive home.

I have also mentioned that I was one of the "weenies" in school who seemed to attract all the bullies.

My senior year in high school brought the military recruiters in, and I was impressed with the Marine dress blues.

Having watched many episodes of "Victory at Sea" during early 50s, I was familiar with the services and their involvement in the battles of world war two.

I have also mentioned that the high school phys ed teacher, was a Marine who participated in the Korean conflict; and he was an enormous role model for me.

The Marine dress blues, and Mr Appuglise were prolly enuff to point me in the direction of joining the Marine Corps, but because of my abusive home life, and my being a "weenie" that got beat up all the time, I also had an ulterior motive of joining the Marine Corps that I might be able to kill people.

Unlike the kids that shot up the schools because of the abuse they received, I was so afraid of my dad, that I think I believed that if I did any thing like that, and killed myself, he would kill me again.

Anyway, the Marine Corps was really good for me. I learned pretty quickly, and I was already in pretty good shape.

The Marine Corps taught me respect, and loyalty, and yeah, it taught me how to kill people, with guns, knives and bare hands.

But along with that knowledge and skill came the understanding that I was responsible to use it appropriately.

I joined the Marine Corps shortly after receiving my high school diploma. I was seventeen, five foot nine, and 135 pounds of rompin stompin "chicken shit".

When I left boot camp, I was eighteen, five foot eleven and weighed 180 pounds.

Suffice it to say, my dad no longer threatened me, and I had no concern over the bullies I had known in school.

I guess, in a way, I was like the 500 pound canary that walks down dark alleys, at night, hollering, "Here kitty, kitty, kitty!"

I never looked for trouble, but I also no longer feared it.

I spent sixteen years in the Marine Corps, attained the rank of Gunnery Sergeant, spent one tour in Vietnam, but never got to kill anyone.

I have since learned that God knows where we are going, and what is important for us.

There but by the grace of God went I, and by the grace of God, I came back.

I don't understand it all; but I truly believe there is coming day when we will know, and understand.