Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Pertinent thots at holiday time

Woe is me!

This morning, I did a search for Barbara Johnson, she of the many books on how to cope; and founder of Spatula Ministries.

I have all her books, and have read them more than once. I loved her, even tho I never met her: other than in her books.

I was linked to the website, and learned that she had died July 2 of last year. May she rest in peace, and know that she has touched many, many lives with her wit and candor.

I was thinking about her this morning, cuz, I found a copy of something from her book, Splashes of Joy In The Cesspools of Life, Word Publishing, Dallas, TX, 1992, pgs 128, 129.

So, I thought I would post this wonderful thought, in remembrance of a classy lady.

Calories that DON'T count

When you're dieting, there is nothing easier than rationalizing why it might be okay to eat "just one" and then a few more, even though you know the stuff is loaded with grams of fat and tons of calories. In my own collection of dieter's rationalizations is the following list of "calories that don't count."

1. Food on Foot. All food eaten while standing has no calories. Exactly why is not clear, but the current theory relates to gravity. The calories apparently bypass the stomach flowing directly down the legs, and through the soles of the feet into the floor, like electricity. Walking appears to accelerate this process, so that an ice cream bar or hot dog eaten at the state fair actually has a calorie deficit.

2. TV Food. Anything eaten in front of the TV has no calories. This may have something to do with radiation leakage, which negates not only the calories in the food but all recollections of having eaten it.

3. Uneven Edges. Pies and cakes should be ciut neatly, in even wedges or slices. If not, the responsibility falls on the person putting them away to "straighten up the edges" by slicing away the offending irregularities, which have no calories when eaten.

4. Balanced Food. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out.

5. Left-Handed Food. If you have a glass of punch in your right hand, anything eaten with the other hand has no calories. Several principles are at work here. First of all, you're probably standing up at a wedding reception (see Food on Foot). Then there's the electronic field: A wet glass in one hand forms a negative charge to reverse the polarity of the calories attracted to the other hand. It's not quite known how it works, but it's reversible if you're left-handed.

6. Food for Medicinal Purposes. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts. This includes hot chocolate, malted milk, toast, and Sara Lee cheesecake.

7. Whipped Cream, Sour Cream, Butter. These all act as a poultice that actually "draws out: the calories when placed on any food, leaving them calorie-free. Afterward, you can eat the poultice, too, as all calories are neutralized by it.

8. Food on Toothpicks. Sausage, mini-franks, cheese, and crackers are all fattening UNLESS impaled on frilled toothpicks. The insertion of a sharp object allows the calories to leak out the bottom.

9. Children's Food. Anything produced, purchased, or intended for minors is calorie-free when eaten by adults. This category covers a wide range, beginning with a spoonful of baby-food custard, consumed for demonstration purposes, up to and including cookies baked to send to college.

10. Charitable Foods. Girl Scout cookies, bake-sale cakes, ice-cream socials, and church strawberry festivals all have a religious dispensation from calories.

11. Custom-Made Food. anything somebody makes "just for you" must be eaten regardless of the calories, because to do otherwise would be uncaring and insensitive. Your kind intentions will not go unrewarded.

{Barbara endnotes this passage as coming from Old Towne Press, 227 E. Chapman Avenue, Orange, California.}

Monday, December 22, 2008

Cognitive dissonance, again

Just visited Mamacita and read her post reposted from last year.

Gotta say, she is definitely able to put voice to her thoughts.

No wonder she is a professor, and an instructor of persons.

She is quite right you know. What a change we have seen in this country over the past decade or two.

I am reminded of books I have read by Elie Wiesel, Corrie ten Boom, Richard Wurmbrand, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn and others, that have detailed life in places where gummint has been oppressive. If you ain't been there, you really cannot appreciate it.

When I look around me, at what America is becoming, I am alarmed, to say the least!

Now, for some reason, the smoke from the smokers in the apartment below me, seems to come up into the bathroom through the holes in the wall where the water pipes run. If we lived in New York, or California, and were I of the bent, it would be instructive for me to call the police, and have the residents arrested for violating the law of smoking inside a building, or where someone could be offended by the smell. Sheesh!!

I find it really hard to believe that gummints would make laws outlawing wood burning fireplaces in homes, or barbecuing/grilling in your backyard.

To my military mind, there are some people in this country that need to get a life; instead of being too personally involved in their own life. Except, you know, there really is a movement to turn over our lives to the gummint, and sadly, there are enuff sad people in gummint who are only too willing to take control of our lives and tell us what to do, where to go, and when to do it.

The truly sad aspect regarding those sad people in gummint that want total control over us, is that if they were to go to a country where gummint is totally in control, they would not have the opportunity to get into the halls of power.

Well, enuff ranting and raving...Christmas is a time for love and reconciliation, not for hating, and alienation.

Wishing the merriest of Christmas' to anyone and everyone who takes the time to read this.

Oh, please go over and read Mamacita, and take the time to say hi, she really is nice.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Mind over matter, u don't mind, it don't matter

Winter has come to the south...South Dakota, that is.

Weather guessers have been prognosticating 5 to 10 degrees below zero, with wind chill down to minus 38 degrees.

We got a coupla inches of snow on Thursday, and a coupla more on Friday.

Saturday started out with snow and strong winds, spelled, blizzard.

Up until about noon, visibility was only about quarter mile.

Then it cleared up, and we were able to attend the company's Christmas dinner/party.

Well, as sometimes happens, the big boss, opened the dinner with some remarks, and in the course, shared a poem I had written, and had etched on a mirror that I had given him for Christmas.

Now I knew that I prolly shoudn'ta gone to the dinner.

After the dinner/party broke up, a number of us went to the American Legion to do a little dancing and listen to the band.

Well, I walked in, and took off my coat.

I was standing next to a table, when a woman came up behind me, and wrapped her arms around me and started whispering in my ear, "Santa, will you give me what I want?"

She had prolly been drinking pretty heavy, and was acting out her drunken behavior.

Finally got her off me, and a few minutes later, I was sitting down at the table, and she came back over, to entice me some more. Took a few minutes, but she finally got the message that I wasn't interested, and had no use for her drunken antics...thus she went away, and found someone else to play with.

Oh how that reminded me why I had stayed away from clubs and bars for so many years.

Well, obnoxious people have a right to existence too.

Anyway, a little later, I left and went to the VFW where the band was playing oldies from the 50s and 60s, yeah, my kinda music.

All in all, I guess it was a pretty good nite.